Outlaw star and the secrits of the univers
by Gryphon
Summary: Ever wonder, well then good for you, now read to know.


Outlaw star in : Secrets of the universe.  
  
Authors Note: This was wrighten when I was not high but eat about 35 pixisticks  
and was trying to cast magic spells with them. (Don't ask) But this is a very  
very very pointless outlaw star fic that has a little DBZ in it and has Xanth in  
it. For those of you who don't know what Xanth is it's a magic land in the shape  
of Florida where puns rule and nothing is as it seems. Oh and for those of you  
who want to know Piers Anthony writes the Xanth books and also I can't  
spell!!!!! So shut up about it!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Xanth Dragon Ball Z or Outlaw star and am in no way  
getting paid for this. So now I can't be sued for righting this fic.  
(Mwhaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha)  
  
We find our heroes wondering around space aimlessly trying to figure out  
how to pay off Fred when Ashia get a stroke of brilliance.  
"I got it!", Ashia says with her ears perked up like a cat. "We can pay off  
Fred by figuring out the secrets of the universe!"  
Every one looks at Ashia perplex and finally Giliam speaks up. "How will that  
help us pay off Fred low?"   
Ashia crosses her arms and answers with a smug look on her face. "An  
scientist would pay an arm and a leg for the secrets of the universe. We just  
sell them one by one to different scientists and get rich quick."  
Sazuca sipping tea as always says, "congratulations Ashia you finally got a  
good idea."  
Ashia says happily, "thank you Sazuca."  
"I just have one question, how do you propose finding out the secrets of the  
univese?," Sazuka asks in the too cool way she always dose.  
"I don't.... know," Ashia says innocently.  
Gean says with a sigh, "well thats a plan down the craper."  
"Maybe not Gean," Jim says quickly. "Lets think. Who would know the secrets  
of the universe?"  
Every one sits pondering the question for an hour until finally Melphina  
speaks up. "Well."   
Every one looks up to Melphina where Melphin is in her water filled tank half  
naked as always. Gean says, "you have and idea Mel?"  
Melphina blushes and says, "well it's not a good one."  
"Anything better then what Geans probly thinking," Jim says jokingly.  
"Hay I had a good idea!" Gean says gruffly.  
"Oh ya right thats why I'm the brains of this outfit," Jim says still joking.  
"You want a piece of me Jim?"   
"Ya!"   
The two bang heads together and start grrring like dogs. Sazuka not paying  
attention to Gean and Jim ask Melphins. "So what is your plan Melphina?"  
"Ya speek up Mel!" Ashia says gruffly.  
"Well when I was in the layline I heared something over say that the Cow  
knows all," Melphina says with a you wont believe me tone.  
"A cow?," Gilaim says confused.  
"Not a cow the cow," Sazuca says still sipping tea.  
"The king of all cows?" Ashia asks.  
"Yes thats the one," Melpina says happily now that that believe her.  
Gean and Jim stop fighting long enough for Jim to ask a question. "Where is  
the king of all cows?"   
Sazuca says in her I know everything tone, "On the planet of purple grass and  
red oranges of course."   
Gean gets back into the pilot seat and says, "To the planet of purple grass  
and red oranges! Lets go!"  
After a couple hours in the slip drive Ashia gets sick and they decide to  
stop at the world of assorted pies for lunch.  
"I love the planet of assorted pies they always have such great pies," Ashia  
says not thinking how how she earlier lost her lunch.  
"Ya I wonder why they have so many pies," Jim says sarcastically.  
"Well why do you think they would name it the Planet of assorted pie silly?"  
"I don't know Ashia your to smart for me," Jim says.  
"You bet I am....... Hay! Your making fun of me!"  
Everyone laughs then they start eating pies like there is no tomorrow.  
"Wow that was pretty good," Jim says happily. "Hay Gean what day is  
tomorrow?"  
"Tuesday I think," Gean says stuffing another pie in his face.  
"Ok," Jim says gleefully shoving a pie in his face.  
After everyone is stuffed like a thanks giving turkey with pies that walk  
onto the outlaw star and great Giliam. "So how was it everyone?" Giliam asks  
wishing he could have had a pie.  
"It was great!" Ashia says greedily.  
"Yes I must admit it was great," Sazuka says.  
"So are we going to go to the planet of Purple grass and red oranges now?"  
Giliam asks.  
"Yes we are." Gean says holding his stomach. "Lets go!"  
"Do you have to say that every time!" Jim asks angrily.  
"Yes."   
They head off looking for the mysterious planet. After a while that 'land'  
on the planet of Purple Grass and red Oranges.  
Giliams says worried, "I think my breaks are broken."  
Every one gets up off the floor and sits back up. "No kidding," Jim says  
rubbing his head. (Thats not what I mean sicko!)  
"Jim will you stay back and fix the break while the rest of us go find out  
the secrets of the universe?" Gean says earnestly.  
"Oh shore like I don't want to find out the secrets of the universe with you  
guys," Jim says sarcastically.   
Every one but Jim and Giliam says at once for outside the ship, "Thanks Jim  
bye." They walk off leaving Jim and the ship behind.  
"Wait I was just... oh!" Jim says sadly.  
  
After they accidentally walk off the planet and fight some carnivorous  
hippies the group walks into a field and spot a green and orange cow.  
"Hay  
cow!" Gean yells rudely.  
"Moo?" the cow says confused.  
"Are you think king of all cows?" Melphina yells.  
"Yes," The cow says. "But you don't have to yell!" The cow appears infront of  
the group. "I'm right here."   
"I hate when people do that," Sazuka says unhappily.  
"So why did you come?" The cow says.  
"We want to know the secrets of the universe," Ashia says loudly.  
"I will only tell you one and you have to do three tasks for it." The cow  
says.  
"What one will you answer oh great cow?" Gean asks.  
"I will tell you who the universe really revolves around," The Great cow  
moos. "But like I said three tasks."  
"What are the three tasks?," Sazuka asks.  
"Well the first task is you must give Crilin a nose," The cow says.  
"Why would you want Crilin to have a nose?," Jim asks.  
"I thought we left you at the ship," Gean says.  
"You did but I'm done now," Jim says. "And what was up with those carnivorous  
hippies?"  
"Don't ask me," the cow says. "And also don't ask why I want crilin to have a  
nose. I just do. So do you want to know the next two tasks or not."   
Everyone at once says, "Yes."  
"I want you to get Fred Low to admit that he is gay," The cow said. "Also I  
want you to get Sazuka to tell why she is always drinking tea."  
"I'm not telling," Sazuka says.  
"But don't you want to know who is the center of the universe."   
"No. I don't care I just hang around you guys because it's entertaining."  
Sazuka grimaced.  
"Well then lets go find that Crilin guy," Gean says.  
Everyone walks back to the ship not satisfied but still happy for the promise  
of being able to figure who is the center of the universe.  
"Well everyone to the planet Irth." Gean says. "Lets go!"  
They take off looking for the planet Irth. After a while that land safely one  
a huge blue and brown planet with very little safe landing places and allot of  
stupid seenerie. Out of nowhere a normal looking person appears.  
"Hello I'm the great sayaman," Gohan says.  
Gean whispers, "look at the ego on that guy."   
Melphina stifling her giggle say, "Hello where looking for someone named  
Crilan."  
"Oh I know him fallow me!" Gohan flys off.  
Every one looks at each confused and then Gohan returns embarrassed. "Opps  
sorry," Gohan says then he pulls out a dinocap and a jetplain appears. "Ok you  
take that and lets go."  
They take the jet and fallow Gohan to Master Roshie house.   
"Hay! Crilan!" Gohan yells.   
Crilan appears wearing a stupid wig. "What up bro?" Crilan asks.  
"Wow he really doesn't have a nose," Sazuka whispers to Ashia.  
"These people are looking for you an I being the great sayaman helped them,"  
Gohan says happily.  
Out of no where Ryoko appears. "Hay mast Roshi!" Ryoko bellows. "Can I get  
my back scracher back?" Ryoko look to Sazuka and says, "Hay it's my best  
customer!"   
Sazuka stiffens.  
"Oh so thats why your always drinking tea!," Gean smirks.  
Ryoko smiles and says, "Yes she's my best customer she buys my special  
brand tea all the time it give you a real kick."  
Every one looks at Sazuka and then Jim says, "one task down only two to  
go."  
"So why where you looking for me?" Crilin asks.  
"Oh where trying to figure out one of the secrets of the universe but we  
have to complete three task and well one of them is giving you a nose," Gean  
says.  
"And how do you propose to do that," Crilin asks unhappily.  
Jim digs his foot in the ground. "Um we have to got to Xanth and get  
Hiatus to give you one."  
Gean confused asks, "How do you know that?"   
Jim angrily answers, "Don't ask lunk head and lets just go!"   
They put a potato sack over Crilin and drag him back to the outlaw star.  
Crilins muffled voice says, "Let me out of here!"   
Gilima showing a bit of humor say, "No we must get to Florida."   
Everyone quits down as they head for the mysterious Florida like  
continent.  
After entering a gourd and exiting in the Xanth the ship lands on a  
invisible giant and they walk out.   
"I'll watch your ship for you,"   
"Thanks," Melphina says. "Who said that?"  
"I did," The invisible giant said. "I'm invisible."  
"Well thanks well be right back after we find Hiatus," Gean declares.  
"Ok then," the giant whispered.  
They walk around for two hours trying to find the person who name mean to  
be missing something. After they get stuck by a tangle bush and have an  
unfortunate encounter with a nicleped.   
"My hairs a mess!," Ashia yells.  
"I told you that was not a real nicle," Sazuka says smugly.  
"Why was that tree so angry?," Jim said.  
"It's probly allergic to cats," Gean said.  
"That would explain why it went after Ashia," Jim said.  
Sazuka clumsily trips over a phone book. Jim picks the phone up and puts  
it to his ear.  
"Who you looking for!," the book yelled.  
"We're looking for Hiatus," Jim said.  
The phone starts ringing and there is a pick up noise.   
"Hello?" A voice says.  
"Um is this Hiatus?" Jim asks.  
"Yes whats up?" Hiatus says.  
"We need a favor please, We need you to put a nose on Crilin," Jim says  
shyly.  
"No problem," Hiatus says. "Done."   
"Thanks," Jim says.  
"No problem," Hiatus says. "Well bye." Hiatus hangs up the phone.  
They open up the potato sack and pull Crilin out.  
"About time," Crilin says ruddily. He put his hand on his face and yells,  
"What happen? I have an elephant nose."  
Everyone looks at Crilins eliphany nose and laughs uncontrollably.  
"Well now now that thats done lets go see Fred," Gean says.  
The team walks off leaving Crilin crying about his new nose behind. The  
team makes it back to the ship with only minor problem with a two lip tree and a  
pun wheel.  
"Oh your back!," The Invisible giant says happily.  
"Ya and well be off now," Melphina says.  
They walk back onto the outlaw star and take off on the giants stumick.  
Looking our the window Ashia says, "Oops."  
"What is it?," Jam asks.  
"Oh nothing, he he he."   
On the way beck to the planet of Purple Grass and Red Oranges they call  
Fed.  
"Gean! This is not a good time I just ingested a truth potion and I  
don't want to tell you that some of the missiles I sold you where defective,"  
Fed says worried. "Oh cookies."   
"Oh don't worry about it Fred. I just want to ask you one question,"  
Gean says.  
"Well I really don't want to but....,"   
Gean interrupts, "are you gay?"   
"Well of course I am I just hide it so that you don't think less of me,  
I always was fond for you Gean," Fred covers his mouth realizing he spilled the  
beans.  
"I did not need to know all that," Gean says worried. "Well talk to you  
later."  
"Ok Gean my big hunk of a man," Fred says before hanging up.  
The Outlaw star is completely silent except when Gean accidentally ran  
into an astroid. The silence is broke by screams of terror as they make another  
successful landing on the planet of Purple Grass and Red Oranges.  
"Great landing Gean!," Jim yells. "I'll fix the ship again I guess just  
tell me what the cow says ok?"  
"Ya no problem Jim. Lets go!," Gean yells.  
The team finds the King of all cows with very little problem except  
except they ran into a group of pun wheels and a sole eating elephant.  
"Mooo!," The cow moos. "So I see you completed your tasks and I guess  
you want your answer right?"  
Everyone says, "Right!"  
The green and orange cow sighs and says, "All right. The person who is  
the center of the universe is a guy name Mike in Cleveland M.I. on Earth."  
"Wherent we just there?," Melphina asks.  
"No you where on the planet Irth I said Earth see there spelled  
different," The cow says.  
"How can you tell spelling by speech?," Sazuka asks.  
"Lets not get into that. What I want to know is what is the difference  
between the two?," Gean says.  
"Well on Irth there are magic places old princesses and other cool  
things like that. But on Earth well they have the band Ever Clear."   
Everyone yells is shear terror at the mention of the encursed band Ever  
Clear. The Sceams can be hear worlds away as the sceen fades on the purple  
planet.  
  
  
Authors note: Well I hope you liked it. Also I hope it answered your question  
of who is the center if the universe. 


End file.
